Game Night Quotes

Last night, I went to a game night at the apartment of one of the other guys from the godless meetups I attend. I was fine at the beginning of the night when we started playing Uno. However, as the night wore on it became very clear we needed more choices in games than the ones we had on hand.

Some conversations/quotes from the evening:

“I knew it was you!” the host told me as I walked in.
“How’d you know it was me?”
“You like to knock softly because you don’t want to offend anyone.”

Hrm. I never noticed that.

These were all from one guy during games of 'Uno' and 'Careers,' which is a board game about, you guessed it, careers:

“We should play strip Uno.”
“So, who’s in for strip poker?”
“How about we play strip ‘Careers’?”
“Ever play strip Chess?”
"Oh, forget this. We should all just strip."

I was wondering why he was so obsessed with stripping in an alcohol-free setting when I remembered that he had spent the last three months building up muscle. Fortunately, the host quelled any notions of anyone getting naked this night by declaring his apartment a strip-free zone.

Here's more from the same guy as 'Careers' wore on:

“I hate these games of chance where you only do well because of what came up on the die when you rolled.”
Same guy, thirty minutes later.
“Check it out, everyone. I’m going to win. See, look. This is me winning. Hey, everyone. Check this out, I’m close to winning! This is awesome. I’m going to win.”
Same guy, five minutes later.
“Hey everyone, I won! I won!”
“What? How did you win? It’s not even your turn.” the host said, annoyance hanging on every word.
“I just sold some of my ‘Opportunity Cards’ for cash and now I’ve got enough cash for the win.”
“Actually, we haven't agreed to anything and I'm not selling," said the now-former potential seller.
“Oh, never mind. I didn’t win. But I’m close! I’m close!”
When the game finally ended he turned to the winner and followed up with:
"Congratulations on winning. I almost had you though. I just needed one more roll and I would have won. I would have beat you. I just ... uh... yeah... almost had you. Next time. Yeah, next time."

At one point, Siri became the official attention-getter of the night when one of the few women present cratered to the crowd after attempting to remain above the fray:

“Siri, can you find me a man wh0re?”
“Siri, can you get me l4id?”

Oddly, the same place of business came up both times in Siri's search results. It was an escort service not far from where we were. We tried calling the number, but it had been disconnected.

The following was from the same woman with Siri. In her defense, she had been up since 5:30 am due to work:

“I’m fading fast guys. I should leave.”
Ten minutes later.
“I’m really fading. You have no idea how bad.”
Ten minutes later.
“No, really, I’m faded and done. I should go.”
Ten minutes later.
“Ugh. I’m so tired. You have no idea what my day was like. Really.”
Ten minutes later.
“I’m fading. No, really, I’m done this time. I should go.”
Ten minutes later....
“I’m so tired... I’m fading... You have no idea what it's like.”

And so on and so forth. Personally, I wouldn't have waited that long to leave. She was actually still there after I left.

Same woman again:

“I am so over playing this game. Really, guys. I just want this to be over. I want to play something else. Is there something else we can play? I’m so bored.”

She said this several times for both Uno and Careers. For Uno, it took about five minutes before she said something. For Careers, it took 20 minutes, but then it was non-stop.

“This is so stupid. There aren’t enough ‘Opportunity Cards’ to go around. They should have put more in.”
“I already told you. The game was designed for four players, not eight. That's why there aren't enough cards to go around.” I said.
“I know. I just wanted to say it again.”

Shoot me now.